I need help with the guilt part.

I talk to an ex on IG from time to time. Been married ten years. Whenever I’ve been upset at my husband I have thoughts that say the ex wouldn’t have done that or said that. I’ve looked at his profile before and ours only focus on what he has that my husband doesn’t. Our conversations on IG messenger have never ever been inappropriate. The content is that I would say with any friend. He has never said anything inappropriate either. He’s also been married a while. I got a hook that keeps telling me I’ve done something wrong when I know I haven’t but then the guilt is killing me for those thoughts I’ve had about him that I mentioned above. I don’t know how to process this. I feel like I’ve committed adultery or something. I can’t function, am having panic attacks, have lost nearly ten pounds over this and am basically non-functioning. Doing the simplest of tasks feels like climbing a mountain. I’m stuck in such bad rumination. I’m trying to figure out if this is a real issue or if this is just OCD. I would greatly appreciate your perspective and thoughts.

Username: VGHVGH

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Hey sorry you’re feeling this way. You mentioned that you’re “trying to figure out if this is a real issue or OCD”. I often struggled with this question when a new intrusive thought would pop into my mind. I would often ask others. What I learned through therapy is that my “trying to figure out” if it was a real issue or OCD was reassurance seeking, which is a compulsion which keeps OCD going. I know it’s hard to sit with the uncertainty. But this is how you get better. The more you allow the doubt to be there, while you don’t ask for reassurance, or try to figure it out, the better you will get at accepting uncertainty and the better you will feel. https://youtu.be/QC8kqLnDQ74. Hope this helps!

Username: October12October12

Date posted: 1y ago

@VGH Thank you. I try to do positive self talk and reassure myself I’m human, and that everyone has thoughts of different topics. I’m just bothered that it’s about an ex. As if that means something bad. Kick in OCD and I feel like I’ve had an affair when I know I didn’t.

Username: mtkenumbmtkenumb

Date posted: 1y ago

This is definitely OCD. I’ve been having guilt about betraying my partner as well but deep down i KNOW i wouldn’t do that to them. You were innocently having a convo with your ex, and if anything they would act a specific way towards you. But if they haven’t shown any signs of y’all being “flirty” or what you perceive as inappropriate there’s no need to worry. Please take care of yourself, eat and get rest!

Username: October12October12

Date posted: 1y ago

No absolutely nothing flirty. It’s the thoughts I had that bother me the most.

Username: mtkenumbmtkenumb

Date posted: 1y ago

@October12 exactly, they’re your thoughts! they have no meaning at all unless we give it to them.. I know it’s hard to deal with but you will work through it with time and patience. Just look at it as a challenge that’ll help you grow mentally and emotionally in your relationship.

Username: VGHVGH

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Have you reached out to NOCD? Their therapists are amazing and they can give you the tools that will really help.

Username: Mrs.Bee🐝

Date posted: 5y ago

So I have confess to things I did in the past. And just note that I never cheated on my husband but did talk to alot of male friends back in the day 6 years ago when were just bf and gf now married 1 year married and been together for almost 7 years. But it was always for advice reason why I talked to my male friends. It's too long to explain long story short. I'm suppose to do emdr and for some reason I feel guilt so much guilt like if I cheated but I didnt!! I never even met up with these friends of mine. I know they were flirty at times but i ignore them when that conversation came about. Anyway I'm suppose to do emdr. And I'm afraid something somewhere it will come out that I cheated. I'm so scared I'm so happy in my relationship I dont want anything to ruin it. Why does this guilt roaming around. I hate this. I didn't do anything wrong it's been years I dont talk to anyone! Literally noone. Why does this haunt me! Like if my male friends will tell a lie to my husband that I have cheated but I didnt. Do you all understand me? I obsess over this everyday! Is better obsessing over this than suicidal thoughts everyday. I finally got a break from that. Someone HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP ASAP.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

Rocd

Hi- I’ve come here because I feel so overwhelmed with my emotions and how to deal with them. I have a male colleague who I have been working with and consider a friend. We would text casually as friends but I stopped because I didn’t want him or my husband to get the wrong impression. My colleague knew I was married, but continued to text me casually. I made sure to always mention my husband. At that time I didn’t think it was a big deal so I would respond to be nice (and since we were co workers) but had no intention behind it. I wasn’t sure if he had a crush on me because he didn’t tell me but I sort of had a feeling he did? Anyway our company went on a work incentive trip and I met him in person for the first time. I even introduced my husband and they got along. I thought everything was good until I started to notice I wanted his attention and wanted him to notice me? I think I wanted to get it out of him out of him if he liked me or not. He continued to text me while on the trip and one night told me I looked pretty (i said thank you) then proceeded to text me if I would have a drink at the bar with him. I did not respond to his texts or show my husband as I didn’t want to cause a scene during the rest of the trip. None of that happened either. I thought to not make things weird I would text him the next day as if nothing happened. Anyway, I felt so guilty after coming home from the trip that I shared every single detail with my husband and have convinced myself that I cheated. My husband is the most amazing man I’ve ever met and it kills me that I can’t be in the moment with him and I’ve become obsessed with compulsions and checking to see if I’ve cheated. Even if my husband said I didn’t and he forgives me and to move on, I can’t stop replaying every single interaction and how I felt then and what I’ve texted or of I came across as if I was flirting. I confess to him every night to help me feel better but it only works for a little. I really want to move past this but it’s become so overwhelming that when we’re with other couple friends I have a thought to compare if our marriage is as good as theirs or if they have experienced similar struggles and it kills me that this issue has caused me so much stress to even ruminate the fact if I love my husband or if this means there is a stain on our marriage and I can’t move in from it. I was at such a happy place in my life and thought nothing would ever come between me and my husband but I just want move past this guilt or thoughts of me cheating. Please share some advice if you can thank you

Username: Peterpan21!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Is this really ocd or a cop out?

I am a happily married 26 year old. I love my husband and our two year old child. I have struggled with intrusive thoughts in the past. Pure “O” OCD and also POCD. A couple months ago I got triggered by something that made me think of an ex boyfriend from 2016. and it made me think what if I have feelings for him or what if I want to talk to him, etc and it's spiraled from there. Now I feel like I have to be with him or talk to him for the anxiety and thoughts to go away. And then yesterday I thought about him again and I was like well if I was with him would it be that bad? And it didn't make me anxious and now I'm anxious because it didn't make me anxious. Which has to mean I want to be with him? I don't want to be with him tho but what if that’s the case? And what if my ocd isn’t real. I feel like I’m drowning in my thoughts and I have created a situation that feels so intense and real

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I need help with the guilt part.

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