Rocd

Hi- I’ve come here because I feel so overwhelmed with my emotions and how to deal with them. I have a male colleague who I have been working with and consider a friend. We would text casually as friends but I stopped because I didn’t want him or my husband to get the wrong impression. My colleague knew I was married, but continued to text me casually. I made sure to always mention my husband. At that time I didn’t think it was a big deal so I would respond to be nice (and since we were co workers) but had no intention behind it. I wasn’t sure if he had a crush on me because he didn’t tell me but I sort of had a feeling he did? Anyway our company went on a work incentive trip and I met him in person for the first time. I even introduced my husband and they got along. I thought everything was good until I started to notice I wanted his attention and wanted him to notice me? I think I wanted to get it out of him out of him if he liked me or not. He continued to text me while on the trip and one night told me I looked pretty (i said thank you) then proceeded to text me if I would have a drink at the bar with him. I did not respond to his texts or show my husband as I didn’t want to cause a scene during the rest of the trip. None of that happened either. I thought to not make things weird I would text him the next day as if nothing happened. Anyway, I felt so guilty after coming home from the trip that I shared every single detail with my husband and have convinced myself that I cheated. My husband is the most amazing man I’ve ever met and it kills me that I can’t be in the moment with him and I’ve become obsessed with compulsions and checking to see if I’ve cheated. Even if my husband said I didn’t and he forgives me and to move on, I can’t stop replaying every single interaction and how I felt then and what I’ve texted or of I came across as if I was flirting. I confess to him every night to help me feel better but it only works for a little. I really want to move past this but it’s become so overwhelming that when we’re with other couple friends I have a thought to compare if our marriage is as good as theirs or if they have experienced similar struggles and it kills me that this issue has caused me so much stress to even ruminate the fact if I love my husband or if this means there is a stain on our marriage and I can’t move in from it. I was at such a happy place in my life and thought nothing would ever come between me and my husband but I just want move past this guilt or thoughts of me cheating. Please share some advice if you can thank you

Username: ivrecivrec

Date posted: 1y ago

Your husband knows you didn’t cheat and by asking him again you are strengthening ocd by doing a compulsion and also putting unnecessary strain on your relationship. Learning to sit with the anxiety ocd causes is very difficult so don’t beat yourself up. Maybe by telling yourself you are looking for reassurance and that is a compulsion that makes ocd worse will help as long as you don’t use that as a compulsion.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

@ivrec Thank you - this helps so much. I can’t help but feel so frustrated he has moved on and constantly has to tell me I didn’t do anything wrong but when I try to sit with the ocd I feel like I will just convince myself that I did in fact cheat and won’t move forward. I like telling reassuring myself that I didn’t cheat, I love my husband and to move on and to not put myself in that situation again since it’s a trigger. I hope this makes me feel better and just ultimately forget overall about the compulsion. Thanks so much for your advice again

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

Fellow reassurance-seeker here 👋. Just remember over time we dig out a deep road through are brain between trigger and relief and that road is made up of our compulsion. We think that road is the only way out so we drive on it over and over simply creating a strong neural pattern in our brain. But the truth is that other roads exist, they are just overgrown and not well-maintained and we forgot about them after OCD took over. The more you choose to let the thoughts pass through your mind and refuse to drive down the reassurance and rumination road, and instead pick a different road which in this case is shrugging your shoulders and saying “maybe I did, maybe I didn’t” and moving forward, that road becomes the primary road and the other ones starts to fade

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous Also I try to always remember I get to be a new and different person every day so no matter what my brain tries to tell me about how im a bad person, I have the option to make new choices and do different things tomorrow.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous I appreciate this thanks so much!

Username: sazMarsazMar

Date posted: 1y ago

I’ve been here a few times where I’ve had an overwhelming feeling that I’ve cheated on my partner with no actual memory or evidence just the anxiety that I’ve done something bad. I’ve even asked the person before if it happened to convince my OCD brain, I know know it was all in my head but it took time for me to realise this

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 4y ago

Fun new obsession! I worked under a TA who I thought was super hot. I was happily committed to my now husband, but at the time I still harbored a lot of attraction toward this man, to the point of occasionally fantasizing about him. I felt awful about it then and I feel bad about it now. I’m trying to rack my brain and make sure nothing inappropriate ever happened, I can remember hoping he thought I looked good and wanting him to think I was funny but I never did anything besides my work when I was with him. I’m convinced this makes me a bad person or even worse, that I’m destined to cheat on my husband. Other instances happened when I was drunk, never to the point of cheating thank god, but flirtations with other men. This hasn’t happened since I was a freshman in college as I stopped heavily drinking and realized how much I needed to work to be the best version of myself. I constantly feel guilty, like I need to atone for what happened. This is almost worse than the crippling HOCD I’ve been fighting. Please help❤️ and thanks if you made it this far lol

Username: BSVWYIRGN

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m scared of being a cheater

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year coming this May. I have never had feelings for someone like this and I genuinely see myself living the rest of my life with him. Talking to him comes effortlessly. He sees me for all that I am and works with me. My family has already begun developing a connection with him as well as I have with his family. I’ve never felt so at home until meeting him. Lately my ROCD symptoms have been playing on the narrative of him either finding a new girl that interests him and is somehow “better” than me OR me ruining our relationship because of potential cheating I have absolutely no actual interest in cheating because I know he’s my person and so am his. I know I’m going to marry him and I know that I want him to be the father of my kids. I want to see him grow and I want to build a foundation of unconditional love with him. So why do I shame myself? There’s this shop that him and I go to quite frequently, and the last time we went an employer that we typically see every-time we come began talking to me personally. We were all just talking about movies but my boyfriend mentioned that he felt like he was flirting with me. I begun feeling bad like I was doing something wrong. My mind started telling me that I liked having him “flirt” with me and that it made me feel desirable and confident in knowing that I was still considered attractive. I’m scared because now everytime we go the employee seems to be staring at me and when I went today he actually gave me something for free which led to me thinking I was playing into the flirting narrative and that this would lead to something worse (Though I still have no interest in doing so, just anxiety about that happening is the best way to put it) Has anyone else experienced something similar? Is there any advice that can be given? I don’t think anything’s going to happen, but what If I do like knowing someone likes me even if it’s not reciprocated? Does that make me a cheater? Or is that the product of unresolved self worth issues?

Username: October12

Date posted: 1y ago

I need help with the guilt part.

I talk to an ex on IG from time to time. Been married ten years. Whenever I’ve been upset at my husband I have thoughts that say the ex wouldn’t have done that or said that. I’ve looked at his profile before and ours only focus on what he has that my husband doesn’t. Our conversations on IG messenger have never ever been inappropriate. The content is that I would say with any friend. He has never said anything inappropriate either. He’s also been married a while. I got a hook that keeps telling me I’ve done something wrong when I know I haven’t but then the guilt is killing me for those thoughts I’ve had about him that I mentioned above. I don’t know how to process this. I feel like I’ve committed adultery or something. I can’t function, am having panic attacks, have lost nearly ten pounds over this and am basically non-functioning. Doing the simplest of tasks feels like climbing a mountain. I’m stuck in such bad rumination. I’m trying to figure out if this is a real issue or if this is just OCD. I would greatly appreciate your perspective and thoughts.

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