OCD panic

I don’t normally make posts like this but if anyone can relate or has advice so I don’t feel so alone I would appreciate it! I feel like crying and I’m so anxious. So I’ve been dealing with an ocd flare up since February. It started out as contamination and harm after I had a really bad experience on a edible. The contamination mostly centered around the fear of someone accidentally giving me an edible to someone putting it in my food or water. Then it went from there to my Brian going you know what’s worse than edibles? LSD. So then I obsessed over that and it’s been like that on and off. I’ve had an extremely hard time with it it’s been one of the worst themes I ever had. I don’t eat certain things. Especially sweets. I avoid them. I avoid taking medication Bc I’m scared. I limit myself. I’m horrible about opening water bottles and if it doesn’t open just right I won’t drink out of it. I know it’s crazy I know it’s untrue but the panic I feel traces back to that night. I don’t ever want to feel that out of control again it scared me so bad I got diagnosed with ptsd (to be fair I had a lot of unresolved trauma that caused my glass to overfill) well, I’ve been going to EMDR therapy it’s got my ptsd under control but the ocd is louder. My ocd is clawing to stay alive. I’ve started to have intrusive thoughts now about my boyfriend might slip something into my water even though ITS NOT TRUE. So then I panic because the thoughts are so irrational that I get scared like why would I ever think that about him???? But the intrusive thoughts are so jarring and I don’t want my ocd to focus on him now! I need advice! I’ve been prescribed pristiq but haven’t taken it Bc you guessed it.,.. I’m scared to! I can’t go on like this! The thoughts are so irrational it scares me even though the rational side of me knows it’s not true but I guess that’s ocd. We get scared of the thoughts even though we know it’s not true and I know it’s my brain trying to keep the ocd going. I know therapy must be working otherwise my theme subjects wouldn’t have changed so fast. I’m so tired of this.

Hi everyone! This is me writing this while having an intense OCD attack and seriously I don’t know how to handle it. At this point I cry almost every day, I’ve lost my appetite, and I don’t know what to do anymore. This summer I’ve seen a movie where one of the characters had schizophrenia and did what my intrusive thoughts were about, which is harming others. I panicked immediately and did what I wish I didn’t, but I didn’t know back then it was a compulsion: I googled the symptoms. I felt relief at first, but then I started asking myself what if I have those symptoms? What if my thoughts will become voices and I’ll believe them? (This is still one of my biggest fears) Ever since then it’s a never ending cycle, everything I see and hear I question if it’s real or only me hearing/seeing it. I overanalyse my body sensations like when my ears ring, or I feel a tightness around my head etc. I went to see a therapist to start treatment, and he told me I have nothing to worry about, cause it’s unlikely I’ll develop it. I felt at ease, and for a few weeks I felt so much better, cause that talk with the therapist went well and I finally got the diagnosis which is OCD. But then, I was scrolling on Instagram, and I saw a video and ever since then it’s getting bad again. It gotten so bad that my mind “plays” random phrases/music/words in my head, and it’s sometimes in my internal voice, sometimes it’s in others’ and it’s so scary cause I’m just going on with my day and they’re just there. Also for example I hear my mom cleaning the dishes and as she puts them away they make a sound and I hear a word in it, but it makes no sense yet I panic over it cause it was a word? I feel like I don’t even have own thoughts anymore, other than those and the ‘What if this means…?’ thoughts which cause me so much anxiety I feel like I’ll explode. The reason I’m writing this is that maybe someone who went through the same thing can help me, and give me some tips how to stop ruminating and mentally+physically checking (my emotions, my facial expressions, body sensations etc.)? I’m currently going to a group therapy which is seem to help, but I feel like I need to see a therapist alone where she/he can help me with my exact problem? Maybe it’s seeking reassurance and that’s a compulsion cause what if this isn’t OCD but still I don’t know what to do. Thank you!

Hi everyone I honestly feel so defeated My anxiety and ocd has been so intense I have intrusive thoughts about everything for example I suffer w harm ocd I suffer w the thought that I feel like I’m not genuine I suffer with being terrified of mental illness such as schizophrenia I get scared I’ll snap n lose control I suffer with the fact that I’m scared my anxiety will never go away n I’ll never get better I suffer w being so irritable w the people I love Recently I’ve been terrified people r staring at me and can read through my body language of how I think Today my brain felt scrambled, I woke up for work when I didn’t have work - in my defense I didn’t check the schedule and took this day off a month ago I went to the wrong location for a workout class And I went to a friends house took off my shoes n can’t find them. So now I’m fearing that I’m losing my mind n becoming delusional. I want to try medication but I’ve heard so many bad things. I’m just so sad of feeling like this. This is my outlet bc some of you understand. But it’s really isolating idk how some people even work it’s hard sometimes I push myself every single day and it’s been 3 years and I feel like I’ve had no sense of peace. Any advice?