freaking out

my therapist suggested that some of my less bad rocd intrusive thoughts are actually mine, and not intrusive. She ended up taking it back when she saw the alarm on my face and saw how panicked I got. I feel really freaking anxious. We were only talking about it because I mentioned a lot of doubt surrounding those less bad ones, but it only filled me with more doubt. I don’t want those thoughts to be mine. I really don’t. I feel scared and so discouraged after this session. I feel scared about the worst thoughts, what if those aren’t intrusive. I feel so much doubt.

Username: Anon849Anon849

Date posted: 15d ago

the goal of ERP therapy is to get you to hear your OCD thoughts and not have a visceral reaction. My therapist says things to egg me on, too. As you said, she SUGGESTED it, but I bet the ROCD made you focus 99% on "It could be true" vs "It could be false". She took it back because you were not ready for this exposure. ERP has some trial and error. Some things you or your therapist might think are low scale exposures might actually then turn out to be an extreme exposure. That's OK. We see how we react and reassess our treatment plan. Keep going, you got this!

Username: isshpra 🫶🏻isshpra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 15d ago

@Anon849 My therapist is new to treating OCD. We have not done any ERP as she hasn’t started her training for it. We were discussing how to identify my thoughts as intrusive and she told me this thought didn’t sound intrusive despite my distress about having it. Yes, you are right the OCD made me focus on the bad thing but the whole point of bringing that up was to get some advice on how to identify intrusive thoughts, not to validate or reassure me. I was already set on it being intrusive. Now I just feel panic again.

Username: Anon849Anon849

Date posted: 15d ago

@isshpra 🫶🏻 Oh. See a different therapist then. I saw a CBT therapist for about 9 months before seeing an ERP therapist and they always suggested my SOOCD was always true and I never got the help I really needed from them. My new therapist specifically treats OCD, and after 5 months I feel a lot better and more equipped to deal with any OCD thought. Until you find an ERP therapist that treats OCD: Trying to identify intrusive thoughts is a compulsion, it will not help you recover from OCD. It might make you feel better in the short term to have a criteria or list of what is "intrusive" so you can determine if a distressing thought/feeling/urge is intrusive, but in the long run, you'll use this list to question all of your thoughts, in turn you'll just be keeping yourself in an OCD loop. Instead, you should acknowledge your thoughts. Maybe these thoughts are mine, maybe not. Maybe my partner is ugly. Maybe my partner isn't the right one. And then still choose to be with them. Make them feel loved, cherished, and appreciated. The doubt and anxiety are not dangerous. You can and will survive this. You can have all the doubts in the world, but you are still in control of your actions. You can still love and cherish your partner EVEN if you are feeling a lack of love or your body physically feels sick when they get close to you.

Username: isshpra 🫶🏻isshpra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 15d ago

@Anon849 Thank you, i appreciate your advice

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 15d ago

Too much concern over which thoughts are intrusive sounds like a compulsion to me, too, and a recipe for more doubt. If a thought causes you distress, that’s really all that matters. Just sit with the distress and don’t do anything to reassure yourself. If you’re so worried whether a thought is ‘yours’ because it causes you distress, there’s your answer. You don’t identify with the thought, so just let it upset you and leave it at that. Besides, how can a thought you didn’t ask to have be yours? Thoughts just pop up and you get to choose which ones are really yours.

Username: isshpra 🫶🏻isshpra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 15d ago

@Anonymous Thank you so much. I will follow this logic. I really appreciate it, truly

Username: FloralEnvoyFloralEnvoy

Date posted: 15d ago

Hey thanks for making this post, you got some advice that helped me by reading it. Hope you're doing better! You are far from alone in thus

Username: isshpra 🫶🏻isshpra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 15d ago

@FloralEnvoy Thank you, I’m glad the advice in these comments helped you :)

Username: 1twilightloverr1twilightloverr

Date posted: 15d ago

hey! it’s okay, as much as it sucks you need to feel doubt in order to get over it. if you don’t want the thoughts you don’t have to act on them. i’m not really experienced with therapy as i’ve only had two session but to give the benefit of the doubt to her she probably tried to not give you reassurance but im not sure of the context. thoughts don’t necessarily have meaning unless you want them to.

Username: isshpra 🫶🏻isshpra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 15d ago

@1angieee I’m trying to give her the benefit of the doubt because she’s new to treating OCD. She wanted me to differentiate between an intrusive thought and my own so I brought up the thoughts I know are intrusive but my OCD has an easier time convincing me they’re mine because they’re not as disturbing as my other intrusive thoughts. She doesn’t want me to think all negative thoughts are intrusive, which I understand and I agree with but suggesting that thoughts I had already classified as intrusions because of how much distress they cause me were my real feelings, made me go into full panic.

Username: 1twilightloverr1twilightloverr

Date posted: 15d ago

@isshpra 🫶🏻 ooh yeah my therapist did the same thing, it did freak me out but ultimately i know how i really feel so i didn’t let it bother me

Username: sumi123

Date posted: 3y ago

my infuriated thoughts are getting much intenser. my therapist told me not to reassurance but i can’t help this. i want to believe these are not my actual thoughts and i still have myself, but i don’t know anymore. i’m getting too used to have these thoughts and i’m scared. am i really like this? is this ocd? i wish i could just reset all the memories that i have and restart everything.

Username: 0Aqi0

Date posted: 3y ago

All of my intrusive thoughts feel so real and I’m having daily panic attacks over them. I’m so scared all of the time and I don’t know what’s going on or why it’s getting so much worse all of a sudden. I hate this so much, I just want to feel normal. Can someone please give me advice on what to do? I am going to a therapist but I’m really hesitant to even bring up the content of my intrusive thoughts.

Username: Jayjayg9494

Date posted: 3y ago

I’m really struggling today, my thoughts are so aggressive, they won’t stop. They keep telling me you don’t wanna be with him, and so much more and they are the exact opposite of how I feel. It’s been like this for days and gotten increasingly worse, I just feel so tired of fighting, I feel so alone. I feel so betrayed by my own thoughts and so out of control of my own mind. My birthdays coming up and my partner called to ask me what my ring size was, the minute I got off the phone I burst into tears. I had a very short therapy session this morning as part of a trial run free therapy thing being offered within the UK. The therapist was very kind, although it was only 20 minutes she said it sounds like you are really are struggling with anxiety, depression & intrusive thoughts, for a moment I felt relief. I felt believed, I didn’t feel so alone or like I was going insane. She encouraged me to challenge the thoughts, to hold onto the good things & to not let my negative subconscious thoughts destroy this relationship they on a conscious level I know I very very much want. I know that OCD attacks everything and over the last 7 weeks the spectrum of doubts, questions & thoughts I’ve had have been so broad and intense. But I honestly think this has to be the worst, feeling like your fighting your own mind to be in a relationship you want is a new type of torture. I just feel so defeated today.

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