Gut feeling

@Emmanonymous I could cry, thank you so much for your response. After reading someone else’s comment about what my fear could be I realized that I’m fearing the whole is the grass greener on the other side, the whole time I’ve had ocd I’ve been comparing my relationship to what it would be w another guy and w women too (I have soocd too which fades after some time) when there’s literally nothing wrong w me and my partner. Hearing your story gives me hope. It was just so overwhelming bc at the beginning of the week we talked about getting married and I was anxious, but so happy and felt complete at the thought. Then today it feels like I’m doubting what we talked about it like I want a more intense love w someone else than what I have w my bf. So many different feelings. It’s so hard to not compare. But I really appreciate your response

@Emmanonymous Hey! I’m sorry, I’m getting triggered by the future again. I know I want to spend all my years with my boyfriend, I picture him in my future and want him in my future but I get so anxious thinking about the day he’ll ask me to marry him. I feel like I’ll want to say no :( or moving in with him, I know I want to, I want spend literally every second with him but it feels like when we move in I’ll yearn for something else. Idk if you experienced anything like this

@Anonymous Hi! I don’t want to venture into reassurance territory, but I have 100% felt all of those things. The best thing I can advise is trying to stay very very present, and resist the urge to predict your feelings in the future. Do you find that changes in your life are difficult and tend to bring anxiety? Let that anxiety be there. You might move in with him and yearn for something else, just like you might decide not to move in with him and yearn to be close to him. Unfortunately, our feelings can be pretty unreliable when we try to predict how we’ll feel in the future. It’s very natural and human to wonder about what the alternative might be. Yearning is not bad or wrong! And you get to decide if you “do” something about that yearning in the future, or not. Trust yourself that whatever decision you make is not permanent and if your feelings change, you do get to decide to do something about it. I know that can seem really really scary! I’ve absolutely been there. If the fear of future you deciding you want something different is seriously the main thing from preventing you from doing something you want and there are no other major red flags from him or the relationship, maybe it’s time to commit to your decision and see what happens. Taking any leap can be terrifying!!! That’s natural! Do you think there are other worries or uncertainties coming up for you about the move? Like wondering if your relationship can handle it, wondering if he’ll be messy, wondering how you’ll decide to arrange the furniture, etc.?

@Emmanonymous I also have SOOCD, so that’s also a huge worry for me. Even though I’ve never desired anything with a woman romantically like ever I also feel like when we move in at some point I’ll realize that I just wanna be with a woman. So if it’s not me overthinking and feeling like the grass would be greener with another guy, I’m overthinking and feeling like the reason it doesn’t feel easy with him rn is because I might just be gay

@Anonymous I have also felt that way! For me, my OCD latches onto whatever will torture me most at any given point. Do you have a therapist at the moment?

@Anonymous Also, I identify as bisexual so I truly do get the grass is always greener feeling. That’s always been part of my relationships! It really sucks. But it’s gotten easier to deal with over time as I’ve learned to manage my OCD in general. I’ve gone through periods being terrified that I’ll “wake up gay” one day. My sexuality isn’t black and white, so I’ve really had to learn how to live in the gray area of that makes sense. I’m so sorry things are hard right now. 💔

@DrinkWaterPlease I feel like my thoughts revolve more around “will I change my mind” “is he the one for me” “it feels like there could be someone better” but I truly can’t picture myself with anyone else. I can’t even imagine being happy the way I am now, without him. Like I feel like if we break up I’ll never wanna date again. Ugh it’s so confusing and it’s keeping me from fully feeling committed to him the way I want to be

@Adrienne I think I just realized my fear is the whole “is the grass greener on the other side” I didn’t have the whole intense obsessive love with my bf, it was more of a calm and safe love, I’ve seen so many people talk about it so I feel like that might be it. I’m trying now to remind myself that the grass is greener where you water it.

@Anonymous - Totally get it!!!Sometime though when you get to new grass there is dog poop on it lol. If you don’t mind me asking when are both of your birthdays. I’m a psychic and can tell you if it’s a good match if you want?

@Adrienne That made me laugh 😂 tbh maybe not, because I’ll obsess over that whether the answer is what I want it to be or not. Thank you though

@Anonymous i struggle with that thought too- i’m in more of a calm love now and i’m always stressed that it’s supposed to be easier and more passionate. I know relationships just evolve and aren’t always obsessive love i’m just learning that’s not a red flag. The grass is greener where we water it. i’m trying to remind myself of that too.