Someone pls help w ROCD

hi so i am pretty new to discovering ocd and trying to figure out why i am feeling the way i am feeling. i’ve never been diagnosed with ocd and honestly thought my anxiety was just super bad until it started affecting the way i saw my relationship. i’ve never had this bad of anxiety in my relationship and around november of last year is whenever i started noticing the cycle of repeated thoughts of “should i break up with him?” ive been with my boyfriend for almost two years. yes we’ve been through our ups and downs and our relationship has overall been such a beautiful relationship (super healthy compared to old ones) we love each other deeply and communicate and just overall find ways to help improve our relationship healthier and i’ve had a doubt here and there throughout these years but since last November i started feeling disconnected with him a little. i started to question sometimes if i really loved him. other times i told myself and asked myself if i should break up with him. if we really loved each other. i started focusing on his features a lot more. to the point where these thoughts around him made me feel so extremely uncomfortable. i’ve done all my research trying to figure out if I love him or not and trying to find reassurance and other people stories to see if they feel the same way I would also see how I feel whenever I was around him and it got to a point where I overall just felt very disconnected with him and a lot of different forms. I sometimes will forget about these thoughts and I will go out through my week throughout my days and I won’t even think about them and then something good will happen actually and it will trigger that immediate thought or sometimes we’re not even doing anything we’re just hanging out and being together and that will trigger the thought of wanting to break up with him and it makes me extremely uncomfortable and it makes me panic gives me anxiety and it just stresses me out because I know it’s not true, but my brain has tried to fully convince myself it is. I was doing really good and I figured out how healthy I wanted this relationship to be recently and because we’ve been so stressed on talking about our relationship and moving on even further and growing together, it started coming back and now I’m very very anxious again. I also have this type of anxiety of obsessing over things such as my health. When it comes to my gut health to my skin I have a very bad habit of having perfectionism not only within, my body face and everything around what is myself. I have a lot of anxieties, and I always thought it was just very severe anxiety until when I was researching why I was doubting my love for my boyfriend I heard of ROCD and I was super curious to know if I even have OCD, I brought it up with my psychiatrist and she doesn’t think that I have any. I have so much anxiety over this I feel like it’s physically and mentally controlling my body from how much it’s overwhelming me. I don’t know what to do. I keep convincing myself it’s not even RCOD and maybe I truly don’t love him but I have no other proof or feelings that that could be true. It’s just a thought that circles in my head and no matter how many reassurance I give myself it will come back within an hour, if someone could please give some advice I will have my own therapy session here soon and I’m very excited to know how I can overcome this

Hello everyone. I was diagnosed with OCD a month ago and it was a pretty crazy diagnosis because I went so long not understanding what I was going through. The onset of my OCD was in childhood for a brief period of time and then again when I was in college for a few months. Now as an adult it has manifested into ROCD. Because my subtype isn’t outlandish like my other theme is it doesn’t feel real and I find myself getting more stuck into the cycle. My main struggle with ROCD is the fear that I still have feelings for an ex and that I want to be with them. This theme presented itself initially in my previous relationship and pertains to the same ex. It presented itself again in my current relationship and it made me spiral bad when it first came up for me 4 months ago. It’s been particularly hard for me this past month and I have gotten to the part where I have so much su*cide ideation. I wish I could be fully present in my relationship with my partner who I genuinely have so many feelings for and am happy with. I feel so much shame for having these thoughts. What can I do?

hi there! so after i got together with my partner, i found out i have rocd :) it's excruciating and new to me, so i really have no idea how to fight it back. i constantly have thought regarding my feelings towards him bc what if i dont love him? what if I've been pretending all this time? what if i'm confusing love for something else? i also have a really hard time processing positive and happy feelings bc i usually get this punch in my gut, as if I'm not supposed to feel that good feeling (idk if you can relate). well that too makes me believe i dont love my partner and it's really really tiring because I can't stop doubting my feelings. yk how ocd is the doubt illness so I'm used to it, but i am so so so sure that i love him, I've never been so sure about something in my life and i literally doubt everything. but what if I'm just avoiding the truth, what if I won't admit to not love him bc i dont wanna hurt him? who knows anyways it's really exhausting and i could really do some advice. thank you in advace :)