So/So

Hey so my therapist doesn’t know a lot about ocd and I think I might get a new one but she told me that during this time it’s normal to question “my morals” and now I’m scared I’m actually questioning my morals. I haven’t actually thought any questioning thoughts and now I’m scared that I am. I’m scared that I’m going to be okay with harming people, pedophilia, rape, etc. not to ask for reassurance but this is really hard. I’m constantly scared that I’m going to all of the sudden think those things are okay.

Ugh. I hate my thoughts. I don’t even feel like me - depersonalization of it all. Im on my medication and sometimes i feel ok but the thoughts im having are so hard. I know if i didn’t have it ocd these thoughts wouldnt exist. Its all hypothetical questions that scare me. “If you were a rapist would you enjoy it” “if you were a rapist would you rape someone who looks like that “ Just bad sexual intrusive thoughts. Im trying to give myself grace because ocd is brutal. I know ultimately theyre just thoughts but i feel like the answer to them is yes - that could be ocd lying to me though. Im scared of these thoughts. I want my mind back. Any help would be appreciated

Hope everyone is having a great day. I feel my harm thoughts are getting but im still getting questions from time to time. A question might be “do you think if you were born a rapist you would rape someone with glasses” Sometimes the answer FEELS like yes. I know ocd can produce fake feelings. So im wondering if that feeling of yes could be OCD?