Really Struggling

Are there any other Christians struggling with Real Event OCD? Specifically being able to differentiate between if it’s the OCD making me feel like I need to confess to more people or if it’s actually guilt coming from the Holy Spirit that is trying to convict me so that I will talk with elders in the church or something, etc.? For a tad more information in case it helps you respond to me- The “real event” wasn’t any action(s) that I committed. It was just thoughts/feelings that I had that were inappropriate. I never acted on them and never would. I even prayed them away when I had them at times, but I don’t think it’s fair to call them intrusive either. I feel like they were my thoughts/feelings. I already confessed to my husband 728734 times and will be talking to a counselor in January (first she had available), but in the mean time I am struggling very, very badly. It’s led me to being very depressed and my mind constantly swirling like a tornado. It’s also led to lots of other “themes”… also, I’m new to OCD. I’ve only been seen in the past professionally very briefly for “general anxiety” although it’s starting to become clear to me that I’ve had OCD all along.

I am 36 years old with no history of mental illness. I had a stressful event at work about 6 months ago and slowly started getting intrusive thoughts about harming myself or my kids, but am at a point where it’s all I can think about. I was diagnosed with OCD officially this week. I’m distraught and finding it hard to cope since. I’ve never had to deal with anything like this before. I just started ERP therapy. I am hoping it helps but am terrified that it won’t. I just want my old self back! Please, if there is anyone out there who has gone through a similar situation, what helped you continue to function? Will I get to a point that I can function without being tormented by my thoughts?

Hey everyone. This is my first post here and it’s probably going to be a long one because I guess I feel comfortable enough to be open here. I need help. When I first got diagnosed with OCD, I figured it only impacted a small part of my life. I thought I was only affected with compulsions and obsessions that dealt with contamination, tangible perfectionism and the obvious intrusive thoughts and that’s it. Well, I’ve come to realize that most of my thinking has been impacted by OCD. At this point the only way to describe how it feels to me is a forest of thorny vines growing in place of my mind or maybe through and around my brain constantly growing every-time I give into this type of thinking (which is basically all the time because I wasn’t aware this was OCD). I’ve definitely felt it more recently, but I know it’s always been there from what I recall from past memories. I got diagnosed not so long ago with OCD and I was happy to because it explained this thing I knew was wrong with me but I didn’t know how much it will and has impacted me in the past. So, I think I’ve created a matrix in my mind or strengthened the OCD thought patterns because now I feel like my OCD impacts everything I do. And I guess I’m saying I need help here because maybe you guys will be able to see it, maybe validate me and point me where I can get help. I’ve been telling the people around me, I think my thinking is disordered and I need help but I don’t think they really understand the amount it’s affecting me or grasp what I meant when I say “I Need Help”. I did have a therapist before but because of a insurance change, she can’t work with me anymore and I’m not sure when I’ll get another (just to clarify). Back to the matter, the past couple of months I’ve been in my head just thinking and thinking. About everything. To the point where my head starts to hurt or until I feel sick of thinking about it but I can’t. I find that’s my obsessions and compulsions (other than the need for order [which can also be mental]) are very mentally based and I find myself ashamed of them so I hide them so maybe that’s why the people around me don’t feel my need for getting help as much as I do. Anyways, examples of this have been, -constantly thinking about what’s the purpose of all of life and the hidden messages in life -feeling like if I don’t do everything perfectly then what the point or being very mad at myself -being obsessed with how I present to the rest of the world sometimes even in close relationships -having calculated movements and actions (having to move my body a certain way or it doesn’t feel right) -obsessing over an absolute truth -questioning friendships and other relationships - obsessing over achievements or failures -obsessing over people -obsessing over decisions and outcomes because I want to make the perfect decisions I could go on and on but basically it’s just a lot of thinking and ruminating and obsessing to the point where people tell me I look like I’m some where else all the time. And I’ve started to feel like I find comfort in it now. I’m also diagnosed with depression and anxiety and I feel like it’s all just OCD. And same goes for my dissociation. I feel like they all root from my OCD. I’m so tired of feeling like this all the time and without my therapist I feel like I’m stuck here. I can’t make decisions, I’m never present, I can’t make or keep friendships/ relationships, everything impacts me deeply because I create a emotional obsession to it, I can’t just be without questioning everything and I’m constantly in my head. I’ve also started getting high all the time because I feel like it’s the only way to escape my brain but I’ve felt like it’s getting out of hand. I’m starting to lose in any type of hope of getting better. Does anyone have an advice for working on OCD by yourself or identifying when it’s OCD (especially mental obsessions and compulsions) so I can start to chip at this boulder that’s weighing down my life and energy?